This funny thing last week

Oh the pain.

A week after the release of this newsletter, I was sitting with a friend in a cafe. My friend is wanting to become a programmer and I was best trying to provide some tips. One was building a mini-project right in front of them.

Just as I was about to get into the groove, I was distracted by what I saw in the distance. Her.

TL;DR — A girl I liked was walking hand-in-hand with her boyfriend right in front of me.

To provide come context, I initially met her while donating plasma about a year ago.

Let me paint the picture.

I remember seeing her walk in for a donation. She looked pretty.

To my luck, out of all the stations to donate, we were right next to each other.

It took me a good twenty minutes to muster up the courage to start a conversation.

*Deep breath*

“So how many times have you donated plasma?”

There were some awkward pauses, but I enjoyed the conversation.

I told her about my ambitions to switch careers in technology and she was receptive to this. She was telling me about start-ups, businesses and venture capital.

She started donating first, so she was the first to leave.

Before she left, I asked for a business card as a way to stay in touch, but she said that she didn’t have any. I took it as she wasn’t interested and I didn’t think to ask for anything else…

No name, no number.

Damn. Will I see her again?

Funnily enough, I did.

Once a week, Palmerston North hosts a technology week — a way of celebrating technology.

The week concludes with a meetup with lots of attendees.

And guess, who was at there? She was!

I finally got a name and contact details.

A few days I asked about places to take a laptop and work. She recommended a particular cafe, and she also told me if I was there to let her know because she worked closely and we could meet up.

We did that twice. And then we didn’t catch up for a while. Maybe, then, I didn’t feel so confident in myself. I was at the stage where I was working part-time as an optometrist, living with my parents, and focusing on this career change.

Months passed and I got good news. I got a new job in web development.

I didn’t have anyone special to share this news with a part from close friends and family.

So, I thought I would meet up with her again.

And we did.

The attraction grew.

We met up again, and I asked for the next time to be a date. She hesitantly said yes.

I planned the next date and texted her the details, but then she told me that she wanted to remain friends for now and didn’t want to date just yet.

She said she just got out of a three-year relationship.

That’s fine. Just be her friend; patience is key, right? And it’s good someone takes time before dating or getting into a relationship.

We met up yet again, just as friends. In the end, she expressed interest in meeting up again. Doing walks etc.

The texts started slowing down.

A few weeks later, I got a text saying that she wasn’t keen on doing the walk and that she’ll see me at future events and plasma donations.

The undertone is she didn’t want to do one-on-ones anymore.

I am guttered.

Fast-forward to that day in the cafe, and I saw her walking past holding hands with what I think is her boyfriend. A new one? The old one? Who knows?

I had a mix of feelings. I was guttered for sure, but strangely, I was relieved. It made sense why the text declined and why she didn’t want to catch up for one on ones anymore.

But let’s look at the positives:

1. I had the courage to talk to a stranger.

2. I met up with someone who I found both attractive and interesting.

3. I put myself out there in a position of vulnerability.

4. I’m happy for both of them; they looked so beautiful together. She is a cool person and she deserves to be happy.

Getting into code

Focusing on my friend at the cafe, I want to reiterate what I think is the best way to get a job in technology.

Personal projects!

Personal projects have so many benefits.

1. Personal projects are fun to work on and will help with motivation.

2. Different to following a tutorial, to figure out a problem for your project, you need to research and figure it out and this helps you learn concepts much better.

3. Not only does a project show competence, but you also show enthusiasm when talking about it with potential employers.

4. Being able to complete a project is hard. It’s easy to overthink an idea, or get 90% there and give up. Being able to have a project that you can show to people proves you have the perseverance to finish a project.

More this week

• A movie I watched is “The Angel” directed by Ariel Vromen and it is based loosely on the actions of Ashraf Marwan (who is a real individual) but the movie was fictionalised. This is a good movie about the Israel-Egypt conflict and how Marwan acted as a double agent to prevent further war during the 1970s.

• Another book I have started reading is “Jiu-Jitsu University” by

  Saulo Ribeiro (with Kevin Howell). The beginning is amazing. It goes through the philosophy of Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu. An example is that our egos want us to look good in front of others, but growth comes from failing, potentially looking bad in front of others, and learning from the experience.

• I’m struggling with getting some projects done. I want to write more blogs. And these are unfinished.

Thanks for reading. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make this better for you.

Stay focused and talk soon,

Shivan